My name is Phil, and this chapter will serve as a brief introduction to my life before I met Brandi and our journey together began. I was born and raised in Virginia, living most of my childhood in rural Orange county on 26 acres that my parents purchased when I was 10. My parents are amazing, God-fearing people who showed me on so many levels what it looks like to walk out the Christian life – as individuals, as a husband and wife, and as parents. To this day, they sow wisdom and encouragement into my life in ways both vital and irreplaceable.
Like many who grew up in genuine Christian homes, I never doubted God’s existence, having seen His works from a young age. I was baptized at 6, and filled with the Holy Spirit shortly thereafter. As I came into my teenage years, however, my life was sadly more characterized by sin than it was by the fruit of the Spirit. I became increasingly angry and filled with lust. Through the midst of it all, though, God preserved in me a deep-rooted knowledge that I was not okay, and that I needed Him. For that reason, at 15 years old, I asked my parents if I could go to an internship at the International House of Prayer in Kansas City. To my shock and amazement (given my current condition), they gave their blessing. No small miracle, considering that my mom is a worrying mother through and through. Their desire for me to encounter God won out over their fear of me doing something stupid, I guess.
We all must have been hearing from God, because that trip changed my entire life. You can ask anybody who knew me closely, and they will tell you that I came back a different person. I can’t explain exactly what happened, except that I encountered God. Not in a flashy, outward “goosebumps” sort of way – I’d already had those experiences. No, this was something deeper. I encountered Him in the stillness – in the countless hours in the prayer room, silently dialoging with Him and meditating on the Word. I found a peace that I didn’t know existed, and with it, an insatiable hunger for His presence.
I won’t say that life was perfect from then on out – I still struggled against besetting sin through my teenage years, yet something was so vastly and unmistakably different about my life. Throughout the remainder of highschool and into adulthood, I spent hours a day in the Word – and many nights and weekends in the place of prayer. It wasn’t out of compulsion – I had tasted something that I couldn’t live without.
I wasn’t suddenly mature by any stretch of the imagination. I remember so many mindsets that make me both cringe and laugh looking back. But, I was on a journey, and my God-given desire for God was leading me forward. It was a lonely road, especially at first. I had no friends when I returned who shared a similar passion for God. Thankfully, after some months elapsed, God brought some key relationships into my life that shaped me, and continue to shape me to this day. One of those friends (hey, CJ!) in now my brother-in-law. Another is my cousin, Mike (so he’s stuck with me, too), who was also apprehended by the Lord in his teenage years. Jason Wolford was another brother who’s friendship propelled me deeper into the Lord (and whose entire family is still an important part of my life).
Looking back on this season, I consider it in many ways to have been my “honeymoon” with the Lord. Everything felt easy – when I wanted God, BAM, I was in His presence. There were no real burdens to bear. I was on the fast-track for the super spiritual (so I thought), and would probably be on the mission field like Heidi Baker right out of highschool! Maybe even a martyr! Passion mixed with immaturity is never boing. 🙂
In time, though, God turned up the heat. He removed the tangible sense of His presence from my life altogether for over a year, and required me to walk by faith during that time. He pressed me into many things that I had begged him never to make me do. First, more school after highschool (heaven forbid!), followed by – dare I even speak it – a desk job. How could God overlook my obvious potential and “selfless” desire for ministry?? Little did I know what a key time of preparation this was.
As I entered my 20s, I grew more stable – learning to stay faithful in the mundane, and live by more than just unbridled passion. At the same time, there was a palpable sense of disillusionment that had also settled over me. None of my plans, nor the dreams God had laid on my heart, seemed in reach. In fact, it felt like God was forcing me in the exact opposite direction. I made several attempts in those years to bring about a transition of my own design, only to be thwarted in some way or another by God, and forced to remain in what felt to me to be an awful rut.
Despite the fact that the life I wanted most was mercifully and lovingly being withheld by God in favor of the preparation I desperately needed, God also began to lavish unexpected gifts on me. I had the opportunity to travel on several missions trips during this time. The chief among all these gifts, however, was a person. Brandi Leigh Watts (now Sawyer) by name. But before I tell that story, it’s time for Brandi to introduce herself.